June 7th: One year ago today

Ruth's Perspective:

In the last couple of months of my pregnancy with Ayla, I slept very poorly. I had very intense hip pain which prevented deep sleep, that mixed with having to pee once an hour...you can imagine. On the morning of June 7th I woke up at 3:30 a.m. for my hourly trip to the bathroom noting how good the last hour of sleep had been( In spite of the dream I was having which involved my father-in-law in a red leisure suite.) After "doing my business" I looked in the mirror and noticed that my big belly was rather "low." Ah well, back to bed with me. I had to get up for my last day of work, they were having a party for me that day.

At 4:30 I awoke to the feeling and sound of a giant "POP!" "Ummm, Jake? I think..."

I will spare you the details. We left for the hospital around 6a.m. We were going to drop something off at Jake's job on the way. About 5 minutes into our drive, he realized he had forgotten whatever it was and we turned around and went back home to get it!

Around 7 we got to the hospital and at 10:46a.m. our Clewski made her appearance.

I always tell people that childbirth is nothing compared to the first couple of months with your new baby. I obviously can't sum up the last year of our life. It was a very hard year. I struggled quite a bit with post pardom depression and as you've read in other blogs, with letting go of "life before," letting go of preconceived notions, of expectations, of lines we draw to find significance and justification, of everything I thought I needed in order to be ok.

I realize now what a good thing that is. Although at the time I did my fair share of screaming at God for what I was going through.

They say going through the birth canal is hard on the baby but is a necessary strain in order for the baby's systems to finish developing and gain strength to face the outside world. As much as Ayla was the baby crying in her tiny helplessness, I felt a lot like I was too.

Here on the other side of it (not to say all struggles are over for me!) I have a gained a freedom and an ability to truly "live" life that I didn't possess before. It was so worth it. And so was childbirth one year ago today. Now I have my joy, my laughter, my sweet little girlie. She has filled a hole in my heart I didn't know was there. Now I'm not screaming at God, but thanking Him.


Jake's Perspective: This will be more of a play by play of what I remember of the day.

"Wha? Ok." I know. Words that will go down in history with "never, never, never give up" and "ask not what your country...". Ok, so maybe not. But I'm pretty sure that's what I said when Ruth told me her water broke. Next thing I know we're up making toast, taking showers, and out the door - and then back home because I forgot what I was going to drop off at work before going to the hospital.

How silly is that? I WENT TO WORK (with Ruth) while my wife was going into labor. This isn't a testament to me being "insert choice word here Uncle Ron", it was mostly that Ruth was so calm and under control that it seemed like we had plenty of time to get to the hospital. Which, we did make it just fine, but by the time we got there Ruth was feeling the labor pretty good.

Soon after we're sitting in OB Triage and I'm watching my wife go through all the "transitions" of labor right before my eyes. Yes, I paid attention in birthing class. But I didn't remember it was supposed to be going this quickly. About 1 second before (no kidding) I was about to walk into the hall and grab the next doctor and ask if he could give me a crash course on how to deliver a baby since my wife was ABOUT TO HAVE ONE, a doctor finally came in. And finally we were in our room and of COURSE I was right : ), Ruth was 8 centimeters which means pretty much ready for the pushing part.

The next 2 hours were just like on TV. Doctors and nurses everywhere. Intensity filling the room.....err no. Mostly it was me and one nurse each positioned at one of ruth's legs to help her push. Every couple minutes we'd watch a monitor to see when Ruth's contractions were coming and then "puuuuussshhh". Amazing. Ruth. Really. I would "fake push" along with her to help her through and EVERY time I would run out of oomph for the fake push before she'd finish her REAL one! And after a couple of hours of that, baby time. Before I describe that though, let me just say that I wonder if in the "world of women" people say "oh, Ruth had a quick labor". It might've transitioned quick, but those last 2 hours were just as tough and intense of anything I've any been apart of. So there!

And there - coming out like a purple alien, there was my baby girl. Yes, I watched. How could I not? I will never forget seeing her face for the first time. It's the same as when I look into her little face now - except not all purple and slimy - unless she's eating prunes. But I didn't realize she'd look so purple - I even glanced over to the nurse who must've read my mind as she answered "she's supposed to look that way" without me ever uttering a word. And I would tell you how I felt when I looked at my baby girl and my other girl in that moment, but there's no way words could ever describe it because it was, it IS, our moment. Forever. Forever priceless as I am forever grateful to God. And like everyone, I lose perspective a lot. But today I remember that if I never get anything else, I've already been given more than I could ever ask for. Sorry...but I don't get to say that a lot.

And so, the rest of that day kind of mashes together. I remember how quickly Ruth seemed back to "normal", except a glow about her. I know this probably sounds cheesy but it's true. I remember a little pink naked booty. I remember telling Ruth to order extra room service for me. I remember our parents coming to meet Ayla for the first time. And when I look at pictures of that day I remember that I REALLY needed a haircut! Oh boy Ayla's gonna give me crap for that some day. I can't wait.

Well, yes I can. Right now is pretty darn good. : )

Ayla's Perspective:

"craga....babee.....dada....boom!"