Otto: 24-30 Months

So a friend of mine from our birthing class has a blog all about their son who was born a week after Ayla...she is where we got the idea to start a blog. Everytime I read their blog I feel like their baby behaves so much better than mine, that they are having such an easier time being a new parent than I am, that they somehow "get" this whole newborn thing. But then I got to thinking... our blog probably mostly makes our experience as new parents sound just about that shiney. (except for the whole poop fiasco...see earlier post) Of course, why would you write about the hard stuff? About the times you second guess yourself and your spouse and your decision to have gotten yourself into this in the first place. About the times you get 3 hours of sleep not all in one chunk and really start to wonder if you are safe to be driving.

Well, being someone who would rather be honest and not give off the impression that I've got it all together(no really...I don't...surprised?), I thought I'd write about a little piece of this whole new parent thing.

Ayla is sound asleep next to me(something she has down during the day, but can't seem to figure out at night) She looks so peaceful and sweet...she IS so sweet. I lay here and adore her...and WORRY. I worry all the time. Is she eating enough...growing enough? Did I eat something that is upsetting her belly? Did she spit up because she really isn't feeling well or because "that's what babies do"? I worry when she sleeps alot. I worry when she doesn't seem to sleep enough. I worry when she makes alot of noise at night. I REALLY worry when she is quiet at night.

I especially worry because of how much I love her. It's so scary to realize how much I am at the mercy of this tiny person...how much she has the potential to break my heart but also to give me a whole new joy. My dad once told me that having kids makes the highs of life higher and the lows lower. He's a wise man, my dad.

Maybe some of you readers think right about now I need to seek therapy...my guess is if you have kids you'll smile and remember those first months, remember how many times you wondered if you were gonna survive the baby screaming from 2 to 4am and the feeling that you didn't sign up for this. Nice to know all of you did. Love to all.