Don't I get a birthday post?
Why should the kids get all the attention right? : )
It's 4:45a. I've been up since 3:45a. The reason? My back hurt so bad I couldn't lay in bed anymore. Basically I get a maximum of 8 hours of laying down before it hurts to the point of major discomfort. Considering I went to bed at 7:45p last night. Yep. I'm old.
It's funny how I can feel old (and know I'm not) yet also feel completely not as old as I should. For example I like tennis. I wish I played it even a fraction as much as I watched or read about it. Wimbledon is my favorite sporting event of the year. This also coincides with Ruth and I watching the movie Wimbledon as well. : ) Wimbledon always starts the monday after my birthday and runs til the Sunday after 4th of July. Summer at it's finest. One of my favorite memories is watching the final in 2007 - it was right after Ayla was born. 2008 and 2009 were probably 2 of the best finals in the history of the tournament. Anyway, every so often it gets me that I'm following this game with these people who are 25-26 years old. Even some of the "old" players are 30=31. That's still younger than me. Yet I can't help but feel like their junior while watching it. Maybe it something that helps me maintain a youthful attitude...right.
Kids are supposed to keep you young. Honestly, lately my kids make me feel inadequate - to their detriment. Sometimes I can only think about how poor of a job I have done "growing up". It feels like I should know, do, or have so much more figured out in order to be their dad. I know I love them - truly with all my heart - but sometimes it's hard not to feel like each day is another missed opportunity to teach them something good. All I can see is every moment of indecision, lack of patience or poor choice of words. If I could have one prayer answered I think it would be that every shortcoming as a parent would fizzle out before effect. Not really, but that's how it feels sometimes.
Well, maybe a little too personal, but this post (and birthday) is turning into a realization that I could do so many things better. Dad, husband, family member, friend, physical care, spiritual discipline. I guess the alternative is the realization that it's too late. But I'm still here. And in spite of my depressing post I'm not discouraged. I'm thankful to God for another day to remember - and live in - His grace and take peace in knowing the love and redemption of Jesus Christ resides in me, as a Dad, husband, family member and friend. Not sure about the extra weight around the middle though. I'm going for a run... : )
And I don't even have any pictures of me with the kids to redeem this post - sorry!
It's 4:45a. I've been up since 3:45a. The reason? My back hurt so bad I couldn't lay in bed anymore. Basically I get a maximum of 8 hours of laying down before it hurts to the point of major discomfort. Considering I went to bed at 7:45p last night. Yep. I'm old.
It's funny how I can feel old (and know I'm not) yet also feel completely not as old as I should. For example I like tennis. I wish I played it even a fraction as much as I watched or read about it. Wimbledon is my favorite sporting event of the year. This also coincides with Ruth and I watching the movie Wimbledon as well. : ) Wimbledon always starts the monday after my birthday and runs til the Sunday after 4th of July. Summer at it's finest. One of my favorite memories is watching the final in 2007 - it was right after Ayla was born. 2008 and 2009 were probably 2 of the best finals in the history of the tournament. Anyway, every so often it gets me that I'm following this game with these people who are 25-26 years old. Even some of the "old" players are 30=31. That's still younger than me. Yet I can't help but feel like their junior while watching it. Maybe it something that helps me maintain a youthful attitude...right.
Kids are supposed to keep you young. Honestly, lately my kids make me feel inadequate - to their detriment. Sometimes I can only think about how poor of a job I have done "growing up". It feels like I should know, do, or have so much more figured out in order to be their dad. I know I love them - truly with all my heart - but sometimes it's hard not to feel like each day is another missed opportunity to teach them something good. All I can see is every moment of indecision, lack of patience or poor choice of words. If I could have one prayer answered I think it would be that every shortcoming as a parent would fizzle out before effect. Not really, but that's how it feels sometimes.
Well, maybe a little too personal, but this post (and birthday) is turning into a realization that I could do so many things better. Dad, husband, family member, friend, physical care, spiritual discipline. I guess the alternative is the realization that it's too late. But I'm still here. And in spite of my depressing post I'm not discouraged. I'm thankful to God for another day to remember - and live in - His grace and take peace in knowing the love and redemption of Jesus Christ resides in me, as a Dad, husband, family member and friend. Not sure about the extra weight around the middle though. I'm going for a run... : )
And I don't even have any pictures of me with the kids to redeem this post - sorry!
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